We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
pop tarts are not kleenex
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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