just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
