She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
