they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
