imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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