this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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