ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
