I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
