True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dicks are not precious.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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