I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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