yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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