i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
