I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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