White coat. Heels.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
