i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
