They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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