idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
