I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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