so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
