you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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