there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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