I wish my penis had an off switch
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
