I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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