im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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