She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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