peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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