First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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