Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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