try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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