sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
