u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
