In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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