had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
