oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
