proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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