I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
