I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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