You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
