this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
