shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
