The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
