worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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