I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
