Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
