I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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