I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
