She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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