did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
