I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
