I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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