from now on my penis is your penis
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
