I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
