what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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